Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
