Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
