found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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