none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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