ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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