Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
