Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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