my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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