pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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