obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
