this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
