My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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