I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
