please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
