Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
