My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
