with your own penis?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
