just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
