There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
