Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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