I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
