no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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