How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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