I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
