I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
