I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
