imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
