that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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