why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
