Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
