While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
