So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
