this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
