oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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