You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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