I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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