We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
