I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
