I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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