He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
