At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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