update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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