He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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