I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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