it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i drank out of a bidet.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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