True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
