just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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