I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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