Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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