I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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