Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
