i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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