There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
