So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
