I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
