I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
