Screwed.edu
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
